Dear readers,
As I told you, this blog is going to be changed around. Several people have been confused by the multiple blogs and have had difficulty moving from the main page to Tony's or Kayla's page and back again. As Tony appears to be the more popular character, I have decided to move his letters to the main page http://www.beyondmentalillness.blogspot.com shortly.
Thank you again for joining me here.
Ariose
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Monday, December 10, 2012
Moving
Dear Readers:
Thank you for joining me here.
The blog is going to be reorganized. For the time being this section of the blog (the letters to Tony), will be cross-posted on an open forum encouraging dialogue. The present address is http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/letterstomentalpatients. I look forward to seeing you there!
Best wishes,
Ariose
Thank you for joining me here.
The blog is going to be reorganized. For the time being this section of the blog (the letters to Tony), will be cross-posted on an open forum encouraging dialogue. The present address is http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/letterstomentalpatients. I look forward to seeing you there!
Best wishes,
Ariose
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
5/2/12
Dear Tony,
Most people with psychiatric histories have some fairly serious emotional wounds. I certainly do.
When you are physically hurt -- think of a scratch that draws blood but does not require stiches or too much attention -- there are certain specific steps you can take. You can clean the wound, you can put a bandage on it, you can take care of that area so that it does not become hurt again. But you can't heal it. For more serious wounds that is even more true. You -- or medical staff -- can make it more comfortable and easier to heal, but the wound needs to heal itself on its own schedule.
Emotional wounds are the same way. We can't heal our wounds and neither can doctors or relatives. They need to heal themselves on their own. But we can create conditions which makes them easier to heal.
I can't tell you those conditions. They are specific to you. But they probably involve doing things which make you feel safer and more comfortable. Possibly coming up with things you can do to prevent a similar trauma from occurring again. Listen closely to what will help you feel better. If you look for a way to calm down, you will eventually find it.
Most people with psychiatric histories have some fairly serious emotional wounds. I certainly do.
When you are physically hurt -- think of a scratch that draws blood but does not require stiches or too much attention -- there are certain specific steps you can take. You can clean the wound, you can put a bandage on it, you can take care of that area so that it does not become hurt again. But you can't heal it. For more serious wounds that is even more true. You -- or medical staff -- can make it more comfortable and easier to heal, but the wound needs to heal itself on its own schedule.
Emotional wounds are the same way. We can't heal our wounds and neither can doctors or relatives. They need to heal themselves on their own. But we can create conditions which makes them easier to heal.
I can't tell you those conditions. They are specific to you. But they probably involve doing things which make you feel safer and more comfortable. Possibly coming up with things you can do to prevent a similar trauma from occurring again. Listen closely to what will help you feel better. If you look for a way to calm down, you will eventually find it.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
3/20/12
Dear Tony,
I would like to expand on what I wrote on December 4.
Many people with mental illness believe that because they are mentally ill their thoughts and perceptions and feelings are not real. I promise you this is untrue. Think about it: How can any thought or feeling not be real? If you have it in you, it must be real. Not all thoughts are legitimate and appropriate, but all of them are real.
The problem is how your brain organizes these thoughts. Everyone has wild thoughts sometimes, but most people quickly realize those thoughts are wild and are able to dismiss them. Everyone feels threatened at some points, but most people are able to watch closely and find discreet ways to react to it. At least some people with mental illness have difficulty with that type of organization and careful reaction.
Your thoughts and feelings are real. They mean something. Everyone needs to learn to listen to himself or herself and to pay attention to his or her feelings and reactions. No one can do that for you -- they don't live with your brain. But your thoughts and feelings are real, and it is dangerous to ignore what your brain is telling you. You need to learn to listen and respond appropriately to it.
I would like to expand on what I wrote on December 4.
Many people with mental illness believe that because they are mentally ill their thoughts and perceptions and feelings are not real. I promise you this is untrue. Think about it: How can any thought or feeling not be real? If you have it in you, it must be real. Not all thoughts are legitimate and appropriate, but all of them are real.
The problem is how your brain organizes these thoughts. Everyone has wild thoughts sometimes, but most people quickly realize those thoughts are wild and are able to dismiss them. Everyone feels threatened at some points, but most people are able to watch closely and find discreet ways to react to it. At least some people with mental illness have difficulty with that type of organization and careful reaction.
Your thoughts and feelings are real. They mean something. Everyone needs to learn to listen to himself or herself and to pay attention to his or her feelings and reactions. No one can do that for you -- they don't live with your brain. But your thoughts and feelings are real, and it is dangerous to ignore what your brain is telling you. You need to learn to listen and respond appropriately to it.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
1/25/12
Dear Tony,
I go in cycles. That never ends, even when you become better. Hopefully, the intensity changes -- in down times, you may grow less depressed, stop thinking of drastic measures. But dealing with ups and downs is part of life. Nobody is completely stable all of the time.
As I have said before, one reason for that is that life is not completely stable. The outside world is certainly not constant and stable. We can't totally divorce ourselves from the world for long periods of time. That is a form of insanity in itself. But figuring out how to handle it, how to let it in without letting it overwhelm us is a complex, personal skill which many people, both sick and healthy, struggle to learn.
For me, if I am dealing with stresses I can't control, I have learned to change what I can control. I have learned to make parts of my life I can handle as calm and comforting as possible. Often, I need to revert back to habits I may have given up; eating certain foods I don't eat anymore, watching television shows I no longer watch. Usually sleeping more. I have found the first step to dealing with this stress is to find something in my life which is soothing and comforting. Once I am there and I am calmer I can start to think of other strategies to handle the situation.
If you are overwhelmed, limit the new or stressful situations in your life as much as you can. Find ways to calm yourself down. Then try to figure out ways to handle possible situations.
I go in cycles. That never ends, even when you become better. Hopefully, the intensity changes -- in down times, you may grow less depressed, stop thinking of drastic measures. But dealing with ups and downs is part of life. Nobody is completely stable all of the time.
As I have said before, one reason for that is that life is not completely stable. The outside world is certainly not constant and stable. We can't totally divorce ourselves from the world for long periods of time. That is a form of insanity in itself. But figuring out how to handle it, how to let it in without letting it overwhelm us is a complex, personal skill which many people, both sick and healthy, struggle to learn.
For me, if I am dealing with stresses I can't control, I have learned to change what I can control. I have learned to make parts of my life I can handle as calm and comforting as possible. Often, I need to revert back to habits I may have given up; eating certain foods I don't eat anymore, watching television shows I no longer watch. Usually sleeping more. I have found the first step to dealing with this stress is to find something in my life which is soothing and comforting. Once I am there and I am calmer I can start to think of other strategies to handle the situation.
If you are overwhelmed, limit the new or stressful situations in your life as much as you can. Find ways to calm yourself down. Then try to figure out ways to handle possible situations.
Monday, December 19, 2011
12/19/11
Dear Tony,
Focus on moving ahead in one small step. Don't think any further than that step.
Try not to think about failure, either.
In my experience, very few efforts completely fail. If you try, you will often go forward, even if it is not as far as you would like. You might stumble a little but still end up ahead. Or sometimes when I tried I improved but not in the area I had hoped. That can be very annoying, especially if I needed to change certain things, but it is still an improvement.
If you try and are overwhelmed, stop. Most likely you tried to do too much. I say again and again to go in small steps, but figuring out the details of that can be very challenging. If you start to relapse back off. Later on, try to figure out what went wrong. Maybe you need to go a little slower. Also, if your outside life is stressful you might need to stop trying to change yourself. Often, it is overwhelming to deal with internal change as you are dealing with external stress. You just need to cope as best as you can until your life settles down more.
But even if you do fail, you will still learn about yourself and what you can and can not do. That is an improvement in itself.
Focus on moving ahead in one small step. Don't think any further than that step.
Try not to think about failure, either.
In my experience, very few efforts completely fail. If you try, you will often go forward, even if it is not as far as you would like. You might stumble a little but still end up ahead. Or sometimes when I tried I improved but not in the area I had hoped. That can be very annoying, especially if I needed to change certain things, but it is still an improvement.
If you try and are overwhelmed, stop. Most likely you tried to do too much. I say again and again to go in small steps, but figuring out the details of that can be very challenging. If you start to relapse back off. Later on, try to figure out what went wrong. Maybe you need to go a little slower. Also, if your outside life is stressful you might need to stop trying to change yourself. Often, it is overwhelming to deal with internal change as you are dealing with external stress. You just need to cope as best as you can until your life settles down more.
But even if you do fail, you will still learn about yourself and what you can and can not do. That is an improvement in itself.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
12/4/11
Dear Tony,
There was an article recently in The New York Times asking if it is worthwhile to try to find meaning in a person's delusions and hallilucinations. Most doctors say no. But some people who are successfully living with mental illness are saying yes. Here is the link to the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/26/health/man-uses-his-schizophrenia-to-gather-clues-for-daily-living.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=living%20with%20mental%20illness&st=cse
I say yes. These thoughts are coming from your brain; they are coming from things you have previously thought or experienced. They are not coming out in a form which is logical or culturally appropriate or easily understandable. But they are coming from you and your past experiences. They mean something.
That does not mean that every thought is worth analyzing. Our thoughts become mixed with each other; you may have appropriate reactions to past experiences at inappropriate times. But overall, I have seen a general pattern with myself. I have recurring memories of being exploited during times when I feel I am being exploited. I have flashbacks of episodes when I could not assert myself during present-day situations when I am unable to assert myself. They do not always come out neatly. Sometimes I am just annoyed for some other reason (e.g., I'm hungry or too tired). But over time I have seen a general pattern.
I would suggest focusing on the thoughts you keep having. Memories you can't rid yourself of, especially if the incident was trivial. It means something. There is something behind it.
There was an article recently in The New York Times asking if it is worthwhile to try to find meaning in a person's delusions and hallilucinations. Most doctors say no. But some people who are successfully living with mental illness are saying yes. Here is the link to the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/26/health/man-uses-his-schizophrenia-to-gather-clues-for-daily-living.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=living%20with%20mental%20illness&st=cse
I say yes. These thoughts are coming from your brain; they are coming from things you have previously thought or experienced. They are not coming out in a form which is logical or culturally appropriate or easily understandable. But they are coming from you and your past experiences. They mean something.
That does not mean that every thought is worth analyzing. Our thoughts become mixed with each other; you may have appropriate reactions to past experiences at inappropriate times. But overall, I have seen a general pattern with myself. I have recurring memories of being exploited during times when I feel I am being exploited. I have flashbacks of episodes when I could not assert myself during present-day situations when I am unable to assert myself. They do not always come out neatly. Sometimes I am just annoyed for some other reason (e.g., I'm hungry or too tired). But over time I have seen a general pattern.
I would suggest focusing on the thoughts you keep having. Memories you can't rid yourself of, especially if the incident was trivial. It means something. There is something behind it.
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