Dear Readers:
Thank you for joining me here.
The blog is going to be reorganized. For the time being this section of the blog (the letters to Tony), will be cross-posted on an open forum encouraging dialogue. The present address is http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/letterstomentalpatients. I look forward to seeing you there!
Best wishes,
Ariose
Monday, December 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
5/2/12
Dear Tony,
Most people with psychiatric histories have some fairly serious emotional wounds. I certainly do.
When you are physically hurt -- think of a scratch that draws blood but does not require stiches or too much attention -- there are certain specific steps you can take. You can clean the wound, you can put a bandage on it, you can take care of that area so that it does not become hurt again. But you can't heal it. For more serious wounds that is even more true. You -- or medical staff -- can make it more comfortable and easier to heal, but the wound needs to heal itself on its own schedule.
Emotional wounds are the same way. We can't heal our wounds and neither can doctors or relatives. They need to heal themselves on their own. But we can create conditions which makes them easier to heal.
I can't tell you those conditions. They are specific to you. But they probably involve doing things which make you feel safer and more comfortable. Possibly coming up with things you can do to prevent a similar trauma from occurring again. Listen closely to what will help you feel better. If you look for a way to calm down, you will eventually find it.
Most people with psychiatric histories have some fairly serious emotional wounds. I certainly do.
When you are physically hurt -- think of a scratch that draws blood but does not require stiches or too much attention -- there are certain specific steps you can take. You can clean the wound, you can put a bandage on it, you can take care of that area so that it does not become hurt again. But you can't heal it. For more serious wounds that is even more true. You -- or medical staff -- can make it more comfortable and easier to heal, but the wound needs to heal itself on its own schedule.
Emotional wounds are the same way. We can't heal our wounds and neither can doctors or relatives. They need to heal themselves on their own. But we can create conditions which makes them easier to heal.
I can't tell you those conditions. They are specific to you. But they probably involve doing things which make you feel safer and more comfortable. Possibly coming up with things you can do to prevent a similar trauma from occurring again. Listen closely to what will help you feel better. If you look for a way to calm down, you will eventually find it.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
3/20/12
Dear Tony,
I would like to expand on what I wrote on December 4.
Many people with mental illness believe that because they are mentally ill their thoughts and perceptions and feelings are not real. I promise you this is untrue. Think about it: How can any thought or feeling not be real? If you have it in you, it must be real. Not all thoughts are legitimate and appropriate, but all of them are real.
The problem is how your brain organizes these thoughts. Everyone has wild thoughts sometimes, but most people quickly realize those thoughts are wild and are able to dismiss them. Everyone feels threatened at some points, but most people are able to watch closely and find discreet ways to react to it. At least some people with mental illness have difficulty with that type of organization and careful reaction.
Your thoughts and feelings are real. They mean something. Everyone needs to learn to listen to himself or herself and to pay attention to his or her feelings and reactions. No one can do that for you -- they don't live with your brain. But your thoughts and feelings are real, and it is dangerous to ignore what your brain is telling you. You need to learn to listen and respond appropriately to it.
I would like to expand on what I wrote on December 4.
Many people with mental illness believe that because they are mentally ill their thoughts and perceptions and feelings are not real. I promise you this is untrue. Think about it: How can any thought or feeling not be real? If you have it in you, it must be real. Not all thoughts are legitimate and appropriate, but all of them are real.
The problem is how your brain organizes these thoughts. Everyone has wild thoughts sometimes, but most people quickly realize those thoughts are wild and are able to dismiss them. Everyone feels threatened at some points, but most people are able to watch closely and find discreet ways to react to it. At least some people with mental illness have difficulty with that type of organization and careful reaction.
Your thoughts and feelings are real. They mean something. Everyone needs to learn to listen to himself or herself and to pay attention to his or her feelings and reactions. No one can do that for you -- they don't live with your brain. But your thoughts and feelings are real, and it is dangerous to ignore what your brain is telling you. You need to learn to listen and respond appropriately to it.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
1/25/12
Dear Tony,
I go in cycles. That never ends, even when you become better. Hopefully, the intensity changes -- in down times, you may grow less depressed, stop thinking of drastic measures. But dealing with ups and downs is part of life. Nobody is completely stable all of the time.
As I have said before, one reason for that is that life is not completely stable. The outside world is certainly not constant and stable. We can't totally divorce ourselves from the world for long periods of time. That is a form of insanity in itself. But figuring out how to handle it, how to let it in without letting it overwhelm us is a complex, personal skill which many people, both sick and healthy, struggle to learn.
For me, if I am dealing with stresses I can't control, I have learned to change what I can control. I have learned to make parts of my life I can handle as calm and comforting as possible. Often, I need to revert back to habits I may have given up; eating certain foods I don't eat anymore, watching television shows I no longer watch. Usually sleeping more. I have found the first step to dealing with this stress is to find something in my life which is soothing and comforting. Once I am there and I am calmer I can start to think of other strategies to handle the situation.
If you are overwhelmed, limit the new or stressful situations in your life as much as you can. Find ways to calm yourself down. Then try to figure out ways to handle possible situations.
I go in cycles. That never ends, even when you become better. Hopefully, the intensity changes -- in down times, you may grow less depressed, stop thinking of drastic measures. But dealing with ups and downs is part of life. Nobody is completely stable all of the time.
As I have said before, one reason for that is that life is not completely stable. The outside world is certainly not constant and stable. We can't totally divorce ourselves from the world for long periods of time. That is a form of insanity in itself. But figuring out how to handle it, how to let it in without letting it overwhelm us is a complex, personal skill which many people, both sick and healthy, struggle to learn.
For me, if I am dealing with stresses I can't control, I have learned to change what I can control. I have learned to make parts of my life I can handle as calm and comforting as possible. Often, I need to revert back to habits I may have given up; eating certain foods I don't eat anymore, watching television shows I no longer watch. Usually sleeping more. I have found the first step to dealing with this stress is to find something in my life which is soothing and comforting. Once I am there and I am calmer I can start to think of other strategies to handle the situation.
If you are overwhelmed, limit the new or stressful situations in your life as much as you can. Find ways to calm yourself down. Then try to figure out ways to handle possible situations.
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